skip to main |
skip to sidebar
It's that time of the year again when many of us create our year in review posts. I've thought, on multiple occasions, what I'll say because 2015 has been highly significant and life changing for me. For the last six years I can distinctly remember writing the same post at the end of each year about what a terrible year it's been and how I hate my life. However, I was fortunate enough to finally have a year that was much better. It's been the best I've had in as long as I can remember, at least since I was a child. I will always look back on it fondly and I wish it didn't have to end so quickly. If I'd written this post a week earlier I'd continue to write more praise about the year. However, I received some news late last week which has hit me really hard- it's about a very significant person, who I credit so much of my progress this year towards, leaving my work. I can feel myself slipping back into the all too familiar feelings of depression and anxiety that I've experienced many times over. However, I think I'll write about that separately and say what I would have anyway in this post.
The main positives this year happened at work. I put so much effort into my job and many times it was my whole life. It was so incredibly satisfying and rewarding to have my efforts recognised. I felt respect and belonging among my team far more than I'd ever felt in any previous contexts throughout my life. In the middle of the year I was offered permanent employment (I'd been a contractor the almost two years prior) and I was offered double to pay, beyond what I could ever have dreamed of. I learned so much- I'm amazed if I compare my skills set and confidence this time last year to what it is now. I don't say this often but I'm actually proud of myself for what I'v achieved at work in 2015.
The next positive is in relation to my confidence and mental health. For the first time in as long as I can remember I've been comfortable with where my life is and I don't hate it. Similarly, I've finally had some relief from the major anxiety and depression which have controlled so much of my life. I rarely feel paralyzing nerves and I haven't had any days lying in bed crying for a long time now. I learned how to rely on myself more. I have lost friends this year and haven''t always had the support I felt I deserved from others, which forced me to support myself. I've really tried to force myself to keep busy and get out of the house, even on days where there hasn't been much reason to, because I know it's bests for me. As I said above, I can feel myself struggling a little with some recent news but overall the year brought great news in this respect.
I got back into sport this year. I started up running in the middle of the year. It's been incredibly unfortunate that I've been injured so often and haven't been able to dedicate as much of myself to it as I would have liked, but the times I've been able to run have been amazing. I've enjoyed the feelings of success when improving my own personal bests- there's no better feeling than this sense of achievement and I've missed it ever since I gave up sport many years ago. I started up swimming only two weeks ago but already I can see similar benefits and love that I've incorporated it back into my lifestyle.
I dyed my hair red in May and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made! I love it so much! I had the same hairstyle for yet another year but that suits me. I have no plans to change it any time soon.
The biggest negative this year was that my sister moved to London in August - I miss her and wish every single day that she would come back.
Now onto the outfits- I've chosen my top 20 from 2015.
Firstly I wanted to share my happy and bright outfit with you. In recent times I've come to love yellow despite many years of not wearing it previously. I was really missing out because I absolutely adore yellow and now I'm slowly building up a collection of yellow pieces. I've had this cardigan for awhile and it instantly adds so much to a look. I love the beads, detailing and sequin buttons. Also following on from the yellow theme is this coat I received courtesy of Sheinside. This is a website I've come across recently; they have some lovely pieces and are definitely worth checking out. A yellow coat is an item I've wanted from ages so it was an obvious choice for me. I love the little bow and the collarless design seems very modern. I like the length of it against my floral skirt. This skirt has been one of my favourites for so many years. Not only do I adore the colourful floral design, I think the embroidered detailing is a special feature. It's another treasure which my mother in law bought me back in the days I miss so much. My shoes deserve a mention since they are my latest bargain. Can you believe I purchased these from Kmart for only $15. I love them so much that I'm tempted to buy many pairs and stock them up so I can wear these shoes for ever. I actually like the shoes in Kmart and Target, if you're there at the right time you can undoubtedly find bargains.
My blog makes me feel like I'm living a lie. The life I present here with the endless supply of clothes, bright colours, pretty pieces, kitty cats and unicorns is so different to how I feel in reality. I am the most depressed, miserable, unhappy and worthless person in the world. I try not to make my blog about that my hopelessness but occasionally I just can't stand being so fake. You are all so nice to me by complimenting my outfits and saying I'm sweet and kind (your friendship has saved me many times) but I doubt you'd like me in real life. I've always found it hard to make friends and initiate conversations but now it's becoming worse. My depression has ruined all my relationships; I'm hard to be around because I'm always sad, I feel like a burden no one understands me and I'm taken my anger out on others more times than I like to remember. I feel alone and unwanted. I feel like a shadow of my former self and powerless to change. I am so horrendously unhappy. It's a struggle to get out of bed on the weekend to take these pictures. In the past I've written about some of my experiences with depression and anxiety; I even mentioned how work gave me a purpose and changed my life immensely. All of that means nothing now and I feel stupid for saying it. My depression returned this year and to an absolutely unprecedented level; the pain and anger I feel towards the world is indescribable. Each day is a struggle and I feel so hopeless. I'd be here forever if I were to explain it all. I've tried so many times to make changes and have a fresh start but it never works. I'm exhausted and don't have the strength. I guarantee that tomorrow I'll feel just the same, eternal suffering, forever in pain. People ask me if I've tried certain things to improve my situation or get help. I assure you I've tried everything imaginable. There's no happy ending for me but when others believe in me more than I do myself, it provides a little hope.
Forever New Floral Embroidery Skirt
Forever New 'From Paris with Love Bag'
Alannah Hill Til It Shines Cardigan
Girl Xpress Floral Top
Girl Xpress Flats
Yellow Bowknot Front H-Line Simple Wool Blend Coat c/o Sheinside
Linking to: What I Wore Wednesday, More Pieces of Me, On the Daily Express, Fashion Item Friday
Today's post is rather random. It incorporates a number of miscellaneous things I've wanted to say for ages and provides an update on some aspects of my life.
I LOVE yellow coats at the moment. I have a number of coats but yellow has always been the missing piece from my coat collection. I particularly admire 'The Great Escape Coat' from Alannah Hill. I adore the beautiful detailing, the subtle pattern and the dressy style. Unfortunately coat is from last year's collection so the chances of obtaining it are rather slim. A few weeks ago , while browsing the Alannah Hill website, I noticed this coat suddenly appeared in the clearance section. It was reduce to $97 from the original price of over $500. I couldn't believe it, what a discount, it seemed too good to be true. Unfortunately it was too good to be true. I added the beautiful coat to my online shopping basket and proceeded to search the Internet some more. However, when I later went to pay for the coat, it was gone! I was disappointed beyond words. I contacted Alannah Hill and was informed that it had sold out and was unavailable even in all the outlet stores. Extremely unlucky! The lesson from this story is to make sure you complete your online purchases as soon as possible. Those emails we receive from Modcloth about unattended items in our shopping bags being eaten by gnomes are obviously not for nothing. If for some reason I do manage to track down this fabulous coat I'll be so happy. In the alternative, I'll still be on the look out for another yellow coat.
There's nothing quite like the power of unexpected gifts to make the day better. My aunt bought me this gorgeous cushion from Domayne a few weeks ago; she said it reminded her of me. I can see why because I adore it; anything girly and cat related is most definitely my style. A pretty royal sophisticated kitty cat- what more could I want in a cushion? It looks super pretty in my apartment, the detailing is very beautiful. I totally wasn't expecting this gift so I appreciated it even more. These days I'm very obsessed with pretty decorations and accessories for the apartment. It used to be only clothes and shoes that tempted me to spend money but now I have added home decors to that list also. I'm always on the lookout for lovely unique pieces and I'm sure building up quite a collection. Fortunately I have a very patient and understanding husband; his objections are limited to all the pink, unicorn and cat decorations in our place.
Last week I received the most wonderful and unbelievable new; that I achieved a distinction in the subject of Trust and Office Accounting as part of the Graduate Diploma of Legal Practice I'm studying at The College of Law. I'm still completely speechless. I cried so much I was that overwhelmed. My self confidence is extremely low and any boost means the world to me. I never thought I would be capable of even passing one subject at The College of Law. That's the main reason why I never intended to go and why it took over a year for me to even consider the possibility of enrolling. I also don't have much time for the course since I work full time. This is far beyond any expectations I ever had for myself. My other marks for the course are not of distinction material but it really doesn't matter. It surprises me every day that, so far, I'm getting through the course.
Last week I couldn't resist purchasing this adorable panda umbrella from Modcloth. While I shouldn't be spending money, how is it even a choice when an item is this cute and unique? I cannot wait until it arrives. I think it will even make me look forward to the rain. Just look at that lovely smile and the little panda ears. I can just picture myself showing up to work on a rainy day accompanied by my new umbrella. I find myself drawn to anything panda related at the moment. Have you found any sweet quirky fashion related pieces recently?
I've been trying to remain positive on my blog and not ruin this space with my constant negativity and hopelessness. But sometimes it frustrates me to pretend that my life is all happiness, colour, pretty dresses and sparkle; that's always just a distraction from the emptiness and sadness I feel inside. I just want to be like everyone else, to fit in, to feel worthy and wanted, to have my self confidence back, to feel like there's a purpose to life, to stop hiding away from social events, to not be so angry and scared of the world. I'd give the world to be able to restore important relationships which have deteriorated over the past year. I miss them. How do you overcome fear barriers to make improvements in life? What do you do when life becomes overwhelming and it's hard to push through? What if you feel so powerless to change? How do you remain positive?
PS. Can you guess my favourite song right now?
As you probably know by now, yellow how become one of my absolute favourite colours this year. It's so bright and happy; I can't get enough of it! When Review released this dress a number of months ago I fell in love with it instantly; the combination of lace and yellow is a dream. I admired it endlessly; every time I walked through the shops or browsed online, the temptation to buy it was very strong. But I waited and finally I noticed it on sale. I bought it earlier this weekend for less than 50% of the original price. How exciting. It's a great time of year to wear such a dress (I've have so many work social events for the holiday season lately that I've needed dressy outfits to wear). I'm sure I'll wear this dress on either Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day or New Years. I love it so much. I was thinking about what to wear with this dress and I decided to go for an all yellow look. The shoes have made a number of appearances of my blog and I can definitely say that, in the year I've had them (they were a Christmas present from my sister last Christmas), they have been my most popular/most complimented piece. I've certainly had a lot of wear from them. I thought the look provided a somewhat blank canvas for the imposition of my rainbow clutch bag. I'm happy with the way it looks against yellow.
As the year is drawing to a close, I find myself reflecting on the myriad of changes that occurred in 2013. I'd describe the year as one of both incredible highs and incredible lows. The most life changing experience was, of course, my first six months in the workforce. I've done three different jobs this year and I'm greatful for the skills that I learned at each one of them. It was heartbreaking when I left my previous job which I worte about here. I was devastated and felt like my whole world fell apart and it still somewhat impacts me today. But I'm appreciative of what I learned. It was a stressful demanding job and I proved myself. For the first time in many years I was incredibly motivated to learn. I took the job extremely seriously, stayed back late most days and performed tasks well outside my comfort zone. I made progress with my anxieties and showed myself that I'm capable of much more than I think I am. I used to think my fears were so bad that I'd never handle a job, but, that wasn't the case at all.
After leaving that job all I wanted to do was lie in bed and cry. It wouldn't have taken much for me to fall back into a deep depression. But somehow I surprised myself and found the strength to start again and dedicate myself to the job I'm currently at now. I learned how unpredictable life can be. I've mentioned before that I love my current job. It provides a better work-life balance, I appreciate the workplace environment and I've met some of the best friends of my life. In a competitive job market I feel especially lucky to have a legal job in a large dynamic wokforce with a fun workplace culture. Who would have thought? I'm actually much better off having left my last job because I enjoy my current job a lot better. I'm happy with the way my professional life turned out this year.
I've overcome some anxities this year which is a significant personal achievement but I still feel like I have a long way to go. Conversely my most difficult battle this year has been my continued struggle with depression which, at many intervals, has become a lot worse. There are a number of personal reasons for this which I shouldn't go into but I've certainly reached some unprecedented lows. I'll continue working on it. That leads me to the topic of overspending. I'm sure it's pretty obvious that I have a huge amount of clothes, shoes and accessories. I seem to be purchasing new items all the time. That's not because I have a lot of money, it's because I'm addicted to spending money in an attempt to make myself feel better. I spend when I'm sad, depressed, lonely or bored etc; sometimes I just want to fill the gaping void in my sole. I'm desperate for some happiness when I feel like a worthless loser so looking good in a new dress provides me with that (even though it's temporary and then the need to spend sparks up again). I've borrowed money to buy clothes and I've prioritised clothes above legitimate expenses. I feel like a terrible person. I can't afford my lifestyle and I'll never get anywhere if I continue down this path. I'm writing about this because I want to be honest- I've identified a problem and it's now time to address it. My main goal for 2014 is to stop spending so much money, to implement a minimal clothing budget and to find healthier ways of dealing with my problems instead of reaching for my visa card whenever I feel sad.
I can't believe it's only ten days until Christmas. This year will be pretty different for me because I'm working right up until the 24th of December (quite the opposite of being a student with seemingly endless holidays around this time of year). But I'm ok with that. It's better for me to keep busy.
Review Vivie Dress
Zu Shoes
Gloss Hair Flower
Forever New Rainbow Clutch
Linking to: What I Wore, Love Your Look, Style Sessions, What I Wore Wednesday, Monday Mingle
I
thought it would be appropriate to start today's post with this
particular picture because it rather accurately describes my weekend. It
was wonderful, the best I've had in an extremely long time. On Saturday I went to the park with my sisters in law from the Polished Edge.
It was a lovely warm and sunny day, just perfect for a picnic and
taking blog pictures. I adore this particular park, I've featured it on
my blog a number of times and; it's always very beautiful especially at
this time of year with the autumn leaves. It's also great to take
pictures somewhere other than my usual location. We have many fabulous pictures together for a blog collaboration. I LOVE these girls, they are my best friends ever!
Firstly, I'll focus on the outfit I wore on Saturday. I always say it's interesting
the way outfits come together. I also believe it's very satisfying
creating new outfits with pieces I've had in my wardrobe for a long time
and maximising the versatility and potential of my wardrobe. Last week I
was thinking of outfits that would possibly be appropriate for work
during the winter. Even though I am yet to start full time work, it is
always good to be prepared. While in the process it gave me many ideas
for everyday outfits that I wouldn't have thought of otherwise. To me,
this outfit represents my usual girly and dressy style but in much
darker colours. I don't think I've worn a pair of black
tights since I was in high school and for once I actually felt dressed
appropriately for the colder months. I actually felt quite classy and
well put together dressed in this colour scheme; although don't
get me wrong, I will always love excessively colourful outfits too and often one of my main objectives for winter dressing is to look as colourful as possible. I
was thinking the other day about what a fantastic dress this has been
over the years. It is so versatile; I've styled it here and here
before (almost time for a remix post I think) and I like how it can
look like both a skirt and a dress. I like how it is slightly more
unique than many dot dresses; I remember Modcloth describing it as a
bubble dress and I've always found that very sweet. I love how the
collar and tie bow looks with a cardigan. Yet again I'm getting more use
out of my 'From Pair with Love Bag' and black Alannah Hill cardigan.
It was extremely fun to work on a blog collaboration together; a very welcomed change to always taking blog pictures on my own. I'm very happy with the way these photos turned out. I wasn't aware we were doing this until after I'd met up with Sara and Tori so I thought it was rather coincidental that our outfits were so well coordinated. I love how they both have their own individualistic style, as represented by the Polished Edge. It was fabulous to be able to share my greatest interest, which is obviously fashion, with my sisters and best friends. Our other sister in law kindly took photos for us all day; I hope my husband, who has taken about 90% of the photos I've posted on my blog, appreciated a break. She had some great ideas for photos that I probably wouldn't have come up with myself. I particularly liked the concept of pairing my hair flower with the pretty flowers in the trees which appears further down. Thanks for a fun weekend girls, I hope to do it again soon.
Another enjoyable aspect of the weekend was the opportunity to see and drive the most incredibly pretty car in the whole entire world which my in laws recently purchased. I felt so cool. Sara is going to learn how to drive in it very soon and I know she is very excited for the day when it officially becomes hers! Head over to the Polished Edge for more on that.
Lovely rainbow butterflies...yes, I have too much free time.
Autumn leaves are so great; they look cool and make fantastic photos. This was so much fun.
I went a little crazy with photoshop this time
I'm the only one without a Guess bag...I feel excluded LOL. There's a Guess bag that I really want to buy at the moment but I'll have to add it to the ever growing 'after I get a full time job' list. Whenever I walk past this particular bag at the shops and someone else is admiring it, the voice inside my head instructs them to "put it down, walk away, that's my bag' Then I daydream about the exciting pretty bag magically becoming mine.
I've
rediscovered these shoes after having not worn them for quite awhile,
anyone remember them from here and here?
The small heel makes them very
comfortable for daytime wear, I like the cut outs and I love how they
can tie both black and navy blue into an outfit. My favourite part about
these shoes is the vintage aspect; I just love how many times I've been
asked whether these shoes are real vintage which is an ultimate
compliment. I also bought this amazing sparkly nail polish from Revlon
late last week. It took many coats to get this effect. I wanted some
variety since I only seem to use pink, red, purple and very occasionally
gold nail polish. I wasn't sure if blue would suit my style but in a
girly and sparkly shade I believe it does. Wow...I can't believe I just wrote so much about a few items of clothing...but clothes are exciting!
Who
else watched Eurovision this weekend? Is it just me or does Emmelie de
Forest look incredibly similar to Isla Fisher? (AKA Rebecca
Bloomwood!) I thought both Denmark and Russia were very beautiful
performances. When I said earlier that the top picture in this post
represents my weekend very accurately, I was also referring to
Eurovision; my facial expression pretty much represents just how
entertaining I found Romania's performance. It was epic. Just wow. I've
watched it so many times since. We love it here in Australia. The next time I feel sad, I'm going to
listen to it on repeat; I'm sure it would be capable of lifting my
mood.
Don't forget to check out The Polished Edge for more about our exciting weekend.
Alannah Hill I'm a Little Fusspot Cardigan
Modcloth Serene Bubble Dress
Kmart Hair Flower
Diva Earrings
Prouds Pearls
Sachi Heels
Forever New 'From Paris With Love' Bag
Linking to What I Wore Wednesday
![indexj]](https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7478/16260570371_ea1fef70be_o.jpg)
