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Friday, August 27, 2010

Sydney

On Monday I spent the day in Sydney City with my third cousin Charlotte who was visiting Australia from England. She was in Australia for three weeks but this was the only day that I saw her since she had a very tight schedule and many people to see while she was here. It was hard to decide where to take her because I saw her on the last day of her trip so she had already seen most of Sydney. In the end we walked across the Harbour Bridge, went on a ferry on the harbour and had lunch by the sea. It was a fun and interesting day except for the cold and rainy weather. I enjoyed Charlotte's company and even though this is only the second time I have met her (the first time was fourteen years ago), it felt like I knew her much better than that. Its a strange feeling in this respect and wondering whether it will be another ten years before we meet again. This whole experience made me think about how different things would have been if it was Charlotte's mum that came to Australia from England as a young girl rather than my mum.

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I'm sorry to be so negative on my blog but again I need to express how I feel and I need you, as my friends, to be here for me. I haven't been feeling very good lately and some of my thoughts from the begining of the year have returned. I have tried to think more positively and turn my situation around but I simply cannot and I think it is more serious than that. Its difficult to explain everything just here but I feel very lost and quite depressed and tired a lot of the time. I am still struggling with basic tasks such as study and work which I used to do so easily before this year. Many people think that my life is good but thats no use unless I feel it myself and it doesn't make things easier for me because I am not happy within myself. I feel extremely nervous, anxious and overwhelmed and sometimes I can't even explain why. These feelings come and go after a few weeks at a time.

I feel like it is partly a result of the relationships in my personal life which have become increasingly complex. Trying to fulfil people's expectations and coming to the realisation that my life choices will usually hurt at least some people in my life, has been very stressful. Sometimes it feels like trying to sort this out is a full time job and I simply cannot bring myself to think about study. So now I have some questions for you and any advice would be greatly appreciated. What do you do when you feel replaced and like you no longer fulfil the role in someone's life that you once did? What do you do when someone who is very important to you and you love very much is drifting apart? What if it is a direct result of someone else entering your life and is no fault of your own?

Thank you xxxxx

14 comments:

Baśka said...

i cross my fingers so that your mood improves quickly <3

Andie said...

oh noooo, i hope youll figure things out. im sure you will. just try to think positive :D i know youre trying to do that...try harder? im sorry, im not one for professional advice. but i do hope you get better, smile once in a while, and maybe try to be more positive in your posts
if it helps, i like your dress/coat?

http://blair-waldork.blogspot.com

Ina Seb said...

i hope you feel better soon :)

http://babybarbarella.blogspot.com

Emily, Ruby Slipper Traveller said...

I would say time. I've certainly been depressed in the past that people drift away. One of my solutions was reinventing my own life, which has usually meant moving far away and challenging myself (taking courses, changing jobs, learning a language). This is of course dramatic, could be construed at running away and isn't possible for everyone... I hope your situation improves soon. I'm pretty neurotic myself these days...xx

Elaine said...

I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. When I come across feelings of inadequacy and loneliness I often turn to God in prayer and scripture study. I don't know what your faith is but I have found much solace in my own and I personally suggest turning to your faith. Good luck! I'll keep you in my prayers tonight.

Audrey Allure said...

Such great pictures! And aw, I hope you cheer up soon!

MarchMusings said...

Hi there. Hope this helps: sometimes its worth talking it out with your near and dear ones. You may find they have the same concerns too and putting it out there really helps. Another thing that's helped me and still does is writing things down in a private journal. When I see my concerns/worries on paper I realise they aren't as serious as I thought they were. Just my two cents :)

Missy M said...

I love this post! Thanks for sharing x I’ve just come across your blog and I love it! Will be stopping by from now on x

Missy
Blending Style, Beauty and Fashion
http://thefashionfusion.blogspot.com

Savvy Gal said...

Although we don't want to hurt people we love but it is important you try to be yourself. otherwise no one is happy!

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Beauty obviously runs in your family. You girls are so stunning. :)

I'm so sorry to hear you are still feeling sad. It breaks my heart, actually. You're such a sweet and kind person, I truly feel like you deserve a lot of happiness right now while you're engaged.

Your questions really made me think and I'm not sure how to proceed with my advice because situations regarding family/friends/boyfriend are so different in this matter. It hurts to drift apart from close friends. I've had that happen three times to me in the past year and it is extremely painful. I just force myself to meet new people and hopefully form close bonds with someone else. If its family...hmmm...I would do everything I can to save that relationship. Family is so very important...I wish I could help you. E-mail me if you need to. I'm always here for you. xoxo

Emily, Resplendent Tranquility said...

Oh, Imogen, I'm so sorry you're going through this/feeling this way. Perhaps time and talking are the best things for now. Talking things over can be a good way to strengthen the bonds of a relationship. If both sides are open and honest then there's a good chance a solution can be worked out to best suit everyone. Or, at least certain feelings have been brought to the surface for recognition and awareness. We all want things to change instantly, but sometimes allowing things to take their course is the name of the game. And, I think in times like these, it is best not to rely on fulfilling others' expectations of you, but focusing on what makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Sending you a big hug from across the seas!

On a side note: Spending time and catching up with distant family members sounds great! The three of you look lovely in these photos.

PinkBow said...

looks like you already had some great advice. i hope things are working out for you. i agree time is a great cure for most things. but also fate... let things be... things work themselves out. that's what my mother tells me and she is so right.

C.Elizabeth said...

I agree with the people here... Talking probably is the best thing to do right now. This and staying positive. In all that, you need to do what you know is best for you.
I hope you'll feel better soon.

Style, She Wrote said...

Love your girlie pink trench coat! So cute.