Wednesday, January 8, 2014

My Goal for 2014

After the somewhat turbulent year that was 2013, unfortunately 2014 hasn’t started off the way I would have liked. I’ve experienced a low point recently; I spent the holidays feeling extremely depressed with a constant stream of negative thoughts running through my mind. I’m not like many other people. I prefer being at work; it provides me with a purpose and keeps me busy. If I have too much free time my mind ventures into dark places. I used to think there was an effective treatment to completely eradicate anxiety and depression but now I know that’s not the case. I have to be open to the fact that there will be difficult times and I’ll have to pick myself up again. This post is different from usual; on a personal level it’s meaningful and reflective. Here is my main goal for 2014: 

Graduate Diploma of Legal Practice-this year I'm attempting to conquer my biggest fear by going to The College of Law and completing the professional qualifications required to be admitted as a practicing solicitor. As many of you know I do have a law degree which I completed at the end of 2012. The natural progression is often to undertake the 4 month (or 8 month part time equivalent) postgraduate course to be a lawyer. A reasonable person is likely to assume that after surviving five years at university, one would have the competence required to get through The College of Law. Unfortunately that wasn't my belief. From the start of my law degree I was convinced that I wasn't smart enough to be there. I felt continually inferior to the other law students which, in turn, made me really depressed. I lost the motivation to study or put in the required effort because I believed I didn't belong. It seems like a miracle that I made it through These feelings of failure which have been present for my entire life are so strong that for years I ruled out The College of Law. It was a qualification that genius, confident people complete and it's not for people like me. I told myself that having a law degree was beyond what I ever imagined for myself so I should be happy and leave it at that. I was so against law college that I continually got angry at anyone who'd suggest it.  No one understood.

The above photo is from my university graduation: Bachelor of Commerce- Accounting with Bachelor of Laws (2012)

It's momentous that I am now enrolled in the Graduate Diploma of Legal practice to start on 20 January 2014. My anxiety is through the roof even thinking about it. My fears still remain but I'm pushing myself to try. What has changed? My current full time job gave me the motivation. I have a legal job, two of my colleagues have recently completed equivalent qualifications and I work directly with a solicitor. I don't feel out of place. I am not a failure and I fit in there. Maybe there's a small chance I can do this. My greatest fear is of being a student again. My time at university was extremely miserable. My anxiety and depression controlled my life to an unprecedented level. I hate the person I became. My life felt completely out of control and most of the time I didn't know how I'd make it through even one more day. I did most of my study online and felt isolated from the world, rarely making it out of bed before 1pm. There are no words to explain how terrible it was. I am scared of feeling like that again and part of me feels like I'm jumping right back into the fire. However, I'm attempting to think positively and believe this time will be different. I'm looking at it rationally. For the first time ever I'll be a part time student while maintaining my full time job. It's just a course I'm completing on the side and won't be my main focus. My primary role will still be work. That will provide me with frequent social interaction and a reason to get out of bed. Also, the consequences of failing are not as serious as failing a law degree, they wouldn't ruin my life. At the end of the day, if the worst case scenario occurs, I already have qualifications and I still have my job which I enjoy greatly. I'm going to give it a go and see where it takes me. In summary, my goal is to be a fully qualified solicitor by the end of 2014.


Sue @ A Colourful Canvas said...

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Marisa Noelle said...

Despite all the anxiousness that comes with starting something new, I'm so happy and excited for you Imogen! I'm a constant worrier too, especially when I have time on my hands, so I can relate a bit. Wishing you the very best as you begin the graduate program and tons of positivity in the New Year! xo Marisa

Shybiker said...

Good luck, buddy. Do your best and I'm sure everything will work out.

libys11 said...

all the best to you, dear!!! I'm amazed.. i didn't even know you were in Law studies! wow! :D

Animated Confessions

Emmylou said...

((((Hugs)))) Imogen, you are brave for making this goal. Good luck. Many of us are rooting for you. XOXO

Sonia De Macedo said...

Sending you a big hug right now, hope you'll feel better and get into a more positive frame of mind. Maybe keep it focused on achieving your practicing solicitor goal. Either way, good luck for 2014 and I hope you get to where you want to be!


Rebecca said...

I am sending you hugs! :) I know things can get overwhelming at times and it does help to talk about it! I am so happy to hear that you are making goals and getting your diploma sounds fantastic! I just know 2014 will be a good year for you!


Jacqueline Stewart said...

Imogen, I'm sure you'll be fine and I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling anxious recently. I still sometimes convince myself that I'm not reaaallly a teacher and the jobs I've had for 7 years were just flukes and I'm somehow pulling the wool over everyone's eyes and one day they'll realize, I think feelings of self doubt are okay and often natural and as long as they don't hinder you... and it sounds like your goal for 2014 is good isn't holding you back anymore, so, it's good.
You'll breeze through your diploma I'm sure. xoxox

daisychain said...

Sending you love, hugs and positive thoughts xo

Glam up your Lifestyle said...

Go ahead, I wish you good luck and give you a hug my dear

Fashion Sky Fall said...

Good luck <3

Antonella C'est moi said...

good luck honey!! kisses

Anita said...

Don't worry, everything is going to be okay :) I wish you all the best :) You can do it!! xx

Patricia G. said...

I sent you more kisses from Spain!! I hope you be well and I'm sure that 2014 will be a good year for you!

Miss Twiggy said...

good luck!!!
I hope I will get my Law degree this year :)

Rusin D said...

I went through similar things in the past. I know how it feels but everything gets better in the end. :)


Dee Kay said...

I have dealt with anxiety and know how it feels, Im sending you positive vibes. Do not let anyone intimidate you to feel lesser than them, if they can so can you! Its evident that through your work experience, you can do this! Take a note from "Elle" Legally blonde I know she is a fictitious character but we are all that girl, and we can do anything we put our minds to!
Good luck, positivity and blessings your way :)
Ms Dee Kay

Jessica Mattioli said...

Good luck dear!!!!!!!!!!!

The Fashion Heels

Jackie Harrison said...

Wishing you the best of luck in going after your goal, I know you could do it and a big hugs do not let depression get the best of you.

Mica T said...

Good luck with your study! I know you can do it, 2014 will be a great year and you will achieve all you've hoped for! :)

Away From The Blue

Nicky mywishstyle said...

hope you reach all your goals!

ciao ciao

Couture Carrie said...

Awesome goal, darling!
I am a lawyer :)


Simera H said...

Good luck hun. Sending you all the best wishes.

Paola Lauretano said...

All the best to you Imogen.... good Luck!!!!!!!!

Sierra Calah said...

The hardest part about starting something new is making yourself do it! I know you can do it <3 Hope 2014 is an amazing year for you :)
Sierra Calah ♡ Berry Stylish  

Giveaway going on now!(: 

The Dainty Dolls House said...

You can do it doll!! You've got to let go of the things you fear and just jump or you'll never know where you could have ended up!! We all have to do it at some point. You've come so far as it is, so there is no reason you can't keep it going. Nothing is ever gained from fear or not believing you can do it and you can!! This year will be amazing, take the hard times as lessons that didn't stop you!! You can do it <33

Johanna said...

Virtual hugs to you. I am sorry you've had a rough go. xo

Larissa said...

Hey dear!
I wish you all the best to achieve you goal for 2014! Don't think that you are inferiour to others- cause almost everybody thinks so, and we are not all inferiour, we are all the same and we all have doubts and fears at some point. I decided not to close my blog after reading a lot of wonderful comments and emails. So you are welcome back on my blog :)

dunia kecil indi said...

Wishing you a good luck from here :)

kissandmakeupsbeautyblog.com said...

Good luck, Imogen! But I have a feeling that you won't even need it :-)

Cat Eyes & Skinny Jeans said...

I am so excited for you, Imogen! The main thing you need to do is NOT compare yourself to others. You are brilliant and you will succeed in this endeavor. Failure forms from comparisons. Just focus on you. I know that you can do this.


Sara Gerard said...

I am so excited for you in taking up this big challenge! I think you will do wonderful in school.

I too suffer from anxiety and depression. I just started seeing a therapist, and she told me to cut back on coffee, and also to take saffron tablets. I am addicted to coffee, lol, but cutting back helps, as do the tablets. And they are all-natural :D

Sam said...

Hi Imogen, you have the determination, great intellect and resilience to see this through, I know you can achieve it!! All the best sweetie.

Red Rose Alley said...

Whatever you decide to do, I do hope that you receive the peace that you need along the way. You know, Nel has went to school for so many years (too many to count), and she finally gets her Ph.D. next year. I know how hard it is trying to achieve this goal. And Jess switched her careers from Interior Design to teaching Elementary school, which she had to go back to school for too. This is not an easy time for you, I can imagine, but stay focused and don't let fear get in your way, as fear is our worst enemy. Way to go, Imogen.


Manhattan Image and Style said...

What a great goal!! All the best to you sweetie!! :)

Thank you for your nice comment on my blog! Let's be friends on Facebook if your wish! <3

New Blog Post: Is Your Hair Cut The Right One For You?

Midnight Cowgirl said...

Best of luck!

Miriam Stella said...

congratulations!!! :D fashion blog miriam stella

Debbie said...

you can do anything you want to do. you miss 100% of the chances you never take!!

best wishes, have faith in yourself and you'll be great!!

Marija Marovic said...

I wish you luck, to achieve all your goals! Focus on positive things in your life, I'm sure there is many great things and people around you!!! XO


Yuli Conversations said...

Great job, best wishes to you!

Margaret Dallospedale said...

Wowwwwww Imogen!!!!!
Congrats sweetie!!!! I'm very happy for this!!! Amazing job and best best best wishes to you.
The Indian Savage Diary

Mery Arbi said...

COngrats sweetieeee!!!


Launna said...

Imogen, I am sending you good and positive thoughts... I feel the same way... these holidays were hard and 2014 is not all that great yet either... I am holding out hope that it will get better. Like you, I just have to keep picking myself up and keep going on...

Good luck with school, I am sure you will do great... keep up with you social activities with friends, I know that will help :)


Fabulous Petite said...

Wow and a huge hugs. Just take a leap and don't look back. I am sure you will be successful with whatever you want to do. I am proud of you and so as a lot of your blogger friends.


Kierra Makayla said...

Prayers go out to you! Wishing you the best of luck!

Closet Fashionista said...

I think that is a great goal! I know you'll do great!
But I know what you mean, I always feel like I'm not good enough at things, but people always tell me I'm crazy. So I'm sure you are really smart and will do great!

kileen valenzuela said...

thanks for such an honest post, Imogen! 2014 will be your year and i know that law school will work out for you!

cute & little

2minutos said...

Hi dear,
Congrats!!!! I'm happy for your and good luck with your future!
I just found your blog and it's great, follow u right now, hope u can follow me back :)

Lilli said...

Hi Imogen! Im sure you can do it! Dont be scared dear, you are great enough to it. Good luck and stay brave!xo

Joy Shana said...

Congrats,you can do it, happy new year darling

the chilicool said...

Congrats, good luck dear!

Sam said...

Stopping by to say hi :)

Aleena said...

love this


Mirna said...

Hi Imogen! Thank you for stopping by my blog. And most importantly, for sharing your thoughts.
I have felt like that a lot, depressed with having a lot of free time, but now I cope with it by getting involved with different hobbies I'm passionate about.

I'm sending you the best positive vibes so that you may succeed. And I hope that 2014 turns out to be the best year so far for you. :)

Take care. Mirna

Shes Dressing Up said...

I'm so glad you are feeling positive about 2014; good luck on your course (although Im sure you don't need it :D)!

Natalia | Fashioned by Love said...

Good luck, sweetheart! Hope it all works out exactly how you want it. x

Plami said...

Good luck, dear! I know the feeling of isolation and misery much better than I'd like to admit. My first year of university, which I spend in Holland felt exactly the same!

It is great that you're pushing yourself and I am sure you can do it and achieve your goals! After all the first step is the hardest one and you already made it by registering for the course! Plus you have the support of the lovely community you've built here! Hug you!


Sharon (Style-Chameleon) said...

Good luck!


S said...

Good luck on all your goals, sweetie!!!
You can do it, definitely! So, don't worry and cheer up!
Sending you a big hug! :)

Lizzy said...

good luck dear!!!

Mª Pilar Domínguez said...

Hello Imogen! after reading your post I would like to transmit all my support to you and to encourage in new projects. I am sure you will succeed this new year. Congratulations for your graduate diploma. I am sure you will be a great solicitor.Thanks for your lovely comment on my blog. If you want to follow each other just let me know I will be happy to be in contact with you. Kisses and best wishes for 2014:)

Urszula Makowska said...

Oh doll, turn that frown upside down! Be strong! Stay positive! <3 Love your goal! I know you will complete it! You are a smart intelligent girl capable of completing anything <3

Rachel said...

Go for it, girl!! This is a huge and brave step for you--it won't necessarily be easy but I bet it will be a good thing in your life!

Lena vgolove said...

Very nice!

Would you like to follow each other with GFC and Bloglovin '? Let me know :)

Best wishes!

zara may said...

I love your blog

Alexandra Zakharova said...

Good luck to you Imogen! Hope, all your dreams will come true and everything will be alright!

Maise Moura said...

So chic out fit...
love so much
kiss from

Michelle Verpuggi said...

u rock<3

Keys of Anouk said...

What an amazing goal! Good luck Imogen, you can do this! :) xo

shoesbagsslips said...

In this post shows your insecurity that makes you think in negative but also your extreme sensitivity.
I believe that the strength that we find ourselves sometimes amazes us, but there's just get it out. Just commit and have confidence in ourselves and in our abilities. We often think of not being up and that others are better than us ... maybe I'm just better at hiding lore fears,
I am sure that your determination you will reach the goal that you set itself! In Italy we say "in the mouth of wolf" which means good luck!

Maddie Magpie said...

What a truly inspiring post Imogen! You are very brave and I wish you all the best with this new venture - you will be absolutely fine and I'm sure you will enjoy it and flourish! All the best to you, you lovely lady.

Maddie xxx


Vita said...

Don't worry that much about it! As you're saying, your life does not depend on it and it will most likely not be as hard or as frightening as you imagine now. Even though it's hard, try to go there with the attitude of "I'm already working in this area, I'm doing really great and I can do well here too."
At first, I was quite nervous about changing majors between BSc and MSc, but in the end it was quite smooth. :) So I think that if you manage to overcome your past experience, you can finally make happy memories at school. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, I'm sure you can do it! :)

Ginny MyNewFavoriteOutfit said...

I'm sure you'll do great, such an exciting time in your life right now!

Naaj Rona said...

Oh Imogen, I know the feeling. Fear is the biggest enemy and can ruin and break self esteem. I have a constant battle with it and it always wins the battle. However, I have decided for the first time to face it rather than give in . 2014 started with one of the toughest decision but I'm determined to listen to my heart rather than the mind and do the things that I want and makes me happy.

Personally, online course don't work for me because I tried to study and it did not work out. I feel less motivated. I rather be in the classroom.

Imogen, from experience I can only tell you this; do the things that makes you happy and what you want. If you fail, at least you tried and you can learn from your mistakes. Every job has a stressful situation and there are pressures but there are those that we don't mind because we are passionate about it and it is something that we want and that makes a massive difference.

But above all remember one thing, don't you feel that you are not good enough or you cannot do it. The only difference is your journey is completely different to the others. It may take you longer to get to that position but you will get there because if there is a will there is always a way and it is up to you to find that way and make your dream come true.

Hope you feel better and things will improve. If you need anything or want to talk to someone, please please please just drop me an email. You know that I'm just a message away.

Take care darl, loads of love and hugs and prayers

Jamie Rose said...

This time will be different because you'll be working too. It'll be a completely different experience for you and I'm sure it'll be more positive than before. School definitely heightens my anxiety and I sometimes feel like I'm not as smart as some of the people in my classes, but I just kept trudging along and now I'm almost done. You can definitely do this! From what I've heard from talking to other graduate students, a lot of them feel inadequate and very stressed. Just know you're not alone and you can get this degree!

Kezzie said...

You wonderful, brave person taking on this challenge. You ARE good enough to be there Imogen- you wouldn't have got on otherwise! I am so glad you gained confidence. I remember how depressed you felt at the end of your course and I am so pleased you are challenging yourself! I remember the horror and misery of my PGCE in teaching- it was awful but worth it. And yet my first degree was wonderful! I guess you can never predict how it will go- you might love it this time!x