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Monday, March 29, 2010

My Birthday Part 1

My birthday post, finally! I had an extremely fun birthday with a few different celebrations and I am honestly so grateful to my friends and family for all the trouble that they went to to. A couple of weeks ago I went out with my family (parents and sister) and Rydog to Sydney city. We went on a short cocktail cruise around Sydney harbour and then to dinner at a hotel. It was a beautiful place, I only wish the weather was a bit better. The pictures in this post are all from this night. The weekend after Rydog's family took me out for dinner to a buffet restaurant which was also in Sydney city. It was really bright and fun atmosphere and I enjoyed a nice walk around the harbour afterwards. I hope I can obtain some pictures of this night later. Both of the nights were different and special in their own ways. I felt very sad once everything was over and I had to return to the realities of every day life.

I must admit that I had been dreading turning 21 for many months prior to my birthday. I guess its because I feel like I am still a teenager and very young at heart and sometimes I feel like I will never grow up and I fear being left behind in life. I wish I had done more with my life and made different decisions and becoming older is difficult for me to accept. Because of this reason I didn't really want a huge party like many people do when they are 21 but I certainly wanted to use the experience as a chance to go out and celebrate with the people that I love. The trouble that everyone went to certainly achieved what I desired for my birthday.

I wore my Alannah Hill dress for both occassions.

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I am really looking forward to the Easter break at the end of this week and I will have two weeks off from university. I have many assessments to complete but also many events planned so I think I will have a fun time. I need some time to catch up with everything.

I'm sorry that I have been so negative on my blog lately but sometimes I need to express how I feel and also look back on this as a personal memory of how I was at certain times and what my life was like. The truth is that I am struggling right now and I am not too proud to admit it. Its difficult to explain everything just here but I feel very lost and to be perfectly honest, quite depressed and tired a lot of the time. I am struggling with basic tasks such as study and work which I used to do so easily in the past. Many people think that my life is good but that doesn't make it any easier for me because somehow I can't see that and I am not happy within myself. I feel extremely nervous and anxious and sometimes I can't even explain why. I know that a lot of my problems are associated with me living in the past and my inability to move on. I don't know what it is about the present that makes me always want to live in the past and go back and change things. I am constantly analysing my life and I will often sit for hours just thinking about behaviour and past events rather than actually living my current life.Recently a close friend of mine explain that I need to stop this analysis paralysis and relax and actually live my life. This is difficult to do in practice and instead I find myself analysing the fact that someone else noticed this about me. I could write about this for hours but I am not going to here. I don't know to what extent I should write about but I guess I need you, as my friends, to be here for me...

25 comments:

Susi said...

Oh Imogen, I have different feelings about your words. I honestly think that there's nothing that I could tell you to turn things better. Because you are the only person who can make things better. You have to befieve in yourself - this is where the powers' from! Frankly, what I know is that every single person on this planet isn't always as happy as it seems on closer inspection. What I'm trying to say is not that your thoughts and doubts aren't to take seriously, but rather that there are a lot of people outside which are with you.
In spite of it all: beautiful dress! And keep that memory of that celebrations safe!

Baśka said...

i can see you had a lot of fun and spent wonderful time with friends :)

ps - the skirt from the previous post is stunning *.*

Leah said...

What a fabulous birthday celebration... I love your dress. You are so pretty in that ensemble. xoxo

leia said...

You look gorgeous!

daisychain said...

what a wonderful celebration :)

Anonymous said...

Reading what you wrote at the end it looks like you have a lot of the symptoms of an anxiety disorder, I suffer the same thing and relate to a lot of what you said. I see a counsellor and that helps me a bit, I started by telling my doctor.
Hope this helps.xxx

Clau! said...

You look great in all the pics!! ñ_ñ

Indy said...

Wow, you look awesome! I'm glad you had a great time!

Sher said...

You look so darling in that dress, and I love it with the pink coat too! So sweet:)

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with some past issues. I think when you're feeling like this, it's best to surround yourself with your loved ones and family. Life is too short to mull over past mistakes, so forget about the past and start living in the present. I hope you'll feel better soon, big hugs to you!

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I am happy you had such a wonderful birthday. You look so lovely in that dress. :)

I am, however, sad to hear that things are still dismal for you in other areas of life. I know its frustrating to endure and also really difficult to see how you can change your situation and feelings. Sometimes you need to try and see yourself from the outside, if that makes any sense...I will write more about this in an e-mail. (My laptop is still not fixed, but I will be borrowing my parents' computer tomorrow. Right now Rian is letting me mess around on his for a short while. Sigh).

SabinePsynopsis said...

What a lovely birthday party! I wouldn't worry about being negative or frank in your blog... I don't think the 20s are an easy time - so much things to decide that will affect your future. But you seem to have a great family and friends, that's the most important thing.

PinkBow said...

looks like you had an amazing birthday, so important with loved ones. you are appear to be lead a charmed life but it is all down to how you feel within yourself. things change all the time though, be open to experiences. xoxo

nookie said...

Happy Birthday dear,look like you a had a great time!lovin' your dress

Susan said...

Happy birthday! That dress looks lovely on you! x

Cristina said...

Happy birthday!! You look beautiful in the photos :) I think I understand how you're feeling, and of course I understand that you need readers to be there. I suppose that the best piece of advise is to start living the present and forget the past (difficult, but it's the best!!!) big hugs darling!!! :)

Emily said...

Aw, it does sound like your birthday celebrations were fun! I'm so glad :)

Thank you for being so open and honest, Imogen. Growing up is hard to do and life will always be full of difficult decisions. Don't stop believing in yourself, though. You are the key to your own happiness.

dancinginchiffon said...

Happy B-day darling...you look gorgeous btw!

Fashion Court said...

happy birthday! i LOVE your dress.

don't apologize at all. we're here to listen! i really understand where you're coming from because i've been quite down lately, but i'm hoping things will come around soon. if you need someone to chat with (or even just to vent) feel free to send me an email, darling!

Andie said...

you looked amazing! well you should since it was your birthday right?
love the coat
and happy belated (again)!

http://blair-waldork.blogspot.com

michelle_ said...

seems like a fab birthday event !
you looked gorgeous darling !

janettaylor said...

Seems like a great Bday party, Honey! :)

Sophie@Diary of a Young Designer said...

I can completely relate to you dear. It's that feeling that you just don't know what will come next, or if you're doing things right and you just waste away hours thinking; been there, done that - well kinda still do. All the advice I can give you is study yourself, your likes, what you hate and think about where do you see yourself honestly and unbiased. I believe that has helped me a lot. =)

xo
Sophie

H A N N A H ♥ said...

you look lovely, im glad you had such a great birthday :)

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xx

Audrey Allure said...

You look so pretty, looked like a great time!

SabinePsynopsis said...

Hi Imogen - thanks for you message. My email is sabine@psynopsis.info. Wishing you happy Easter Days.